Try to use the MGI: Most Generous Interpretation.
A good faith interpretation.
Helps build bridges of understanding.
If you don't use MGI, you're using others' actions to help achieve your emotional goals and needs
Why do people not do this as often as they should?
It's related to the Fundamental Attribution Error.
The system that constrains us is inescapably obvious to us, but hidden to everyone watching us.
Curiosity is the antidote.
"Assuming this person is collaborative and competent, why did this bad outcome still happen?"
You'll assign less blame, allowing you to learn more.